This is going to be a pretty intense post, so I'll offer a short version and a long version.
Short version: I am no longer a member of So Many Dynamos.
Long version: A few months ago I was hit with the unfortunate realization that I no longer wanted to be in a touring rock band. I had been bummed out for a while, but there always seemed to be a hill up ahead that I could blame it on and once I climbed over it there would be sunshine. First I thought I was sad because Dynamos took so long to make our record, then because we didn't have a label yet, then because our release date kept getting further away, and then because I was stressed out over my upcoming wedding. But after I was a married man with an album out on a real record label, I was more depressed than I've ever been in my life.
I tried to keep my feelings to myself and push through, but it became harder every day. The smallest things on tour sent waves of anxiety through me; little problems like not knowing where to eat or being late for load-in became unbearable. I started taking things out on the other three guys in the band without meaning to and eventually found it impossible to hide my panic attacks from them.
At a hotel in Salt Lake City on our July tour I told the other guys that I think I need to quit the band, but no conclusions were made that evening. We never talked about it again, even though we were in a van together for three more weeks afterwards. We've never had less fun on tour.
I spent the last days of the tour trying to figure out how to make things work, to see if there was a way that I could stay home and So Many Dynamos could go out with a replacement touring guitarist. A few days after we got home, I sent an email to the guys telling them I needed some time off.
About a week later, we met at a Denny's for coffee and we all agreed that the best thing to do would be to make a clean break, have me completely out and bring in somebody else to be a full time member. They asked how I felt about Nathan Bernaix from Target Market replacing me, and I said, "I feel great about that."
I am incredibly proud of the work So Many Dynamos has done in the time I've been in the band; I still can't believe that I helped create "Search Party," "Let's Move Mountains" and "The Formula." Aaron, Griffin, and Norm are and will always be my three best dude friends, and if it weren't for them I wouldn't have been able to stay in the band this long. I am honored to have played with the bands we've played with, to befriend amazing bands like Maps and Atlases, Cinemechanica, and We Versus the Shark, and to have worked with Chris Walla, Alex Newport, and Jason Caddell. I still love making music and intend to do so for the rest of my life.
And I can't be more thrilled that Nathan Bernaix is taking my spot. He's one of my favorite people, songwriters and musicians. Nathan has been a part of So Many Dynamos since day one. In fact, we met when he came to one of our first practices where we were rehearsing "Airtight" and "This Can Be Useful in Rocketry" for our first show. I can't imagine anybody else doing justice to the job like Nathan.
An infinite number of thank yous are due to everybody who has ever seen, listened to, or cared about So Many Dynamos thus far. I am ecstatic to join the rest of the world in loving this band and being excited about its future. We've always said that our goal was to make So Many Dynamos sort of a science project, creating the band that would be our favorite if we weren't in it. Now that I am not in the band, I can say beyond the shadow of a doubt that I love So Many Dynamos more than any other band on the planet.
It's been fun,